Finding Your Uniquness

The most important time in your life is right at this moment!The past is the past and the future is yet to be discovered. Learn from the past, live in the present and plan for the future.True power comes from how you’re living your life right now. To see the future you must take control of where you are in the present.To discover your unique strengths, you need an understanding of what makes you unique.

Your strengths are built from the many different experiences in your life. You’re a sum total of your past, present and hopes for the future.Uniqueness is defined as being without equal. No one else in the whole world has the same experiences, inner motivators, dreams, goals, or abilities. You owe it to yourself, and the other important people in your life, to find and use your special gifts.Finding your uniqueness flows from deep inside. Your life’s purpose is the gift that only you can give the world. You have to know your unique qualities in order to live out your life’s purpose. When you know your life’s purpose, life has meaning.

Beginning your research. Finding your life’s purpose will help you to become more in tune with your inner self. You will be exploring your likes and dislikes, your strengths and weaknesses and your deepest thoughts. To get where you want to go in the future, you have to know where you are right now.What really makes you tick? Let’s start exploring.When you were little, before the world began telling you what you couldn’t do, what did you want to be when you grew up?Let the child in you dream and plan the future. Believe the impossible is possible. Believe your dreams will come true. Believe, without a doubt, that you are worthy and deserving of success, happiness and unlimited prosperity. Allow the child in you to come alive once more with wonder, anticipation and excitement.Are you aware of how you subconsciously feel about living out your destiny and finding your life’s purpose? Down deep inside is a belief system reacting positively or negatively to the idea of finding your life’s purpose.

Take a few minutes of quiet time and answer these questions.
1. What was I most often praised for in my life?
2. Was I encouraged to take risks and try new things?
3. What have I stopped myself from doing because I didn’t feel I would succeed?
4. What did I most often dream about becoming when I was a child?

To find your life’s purpose you must believe you truly deserve happiness and success.Living your dreams isn’t selfish or self-centered – it’s exciting, rewarding and fulfilling!Eliminating limitations. Are you placing impossible limitations on yourself? This is the time to explore ALL possibilities. Self-empowerment skills allow you to achieve your full potential through self-awareness.

Let’s analyze a few of the limits you may be placing on yourself.
1. What do you feel is going right in your life right now?Make a list of the ten best things going right for you.
2. Do you believe in your abilities? Make a list of your ten most outstanding abilities.
3. If you could change only one thing in your life at this minute, what would it be?
4. When you think about the future, what excites you the most? What, if anything, makes you sad?
5. Who is the person you admire most in this world? Why?

Are you like this person in any way?When you love what you’re doing in life, you can’t wait to begin the day. You get out of bed feeling enthused and energized.Persistence is powerful. Desire to find and live your life’s purpose is a powerful inner motivator.Be bold. Take risks. Start with one bite-sized piece at a time and accomplish more than you ever imagined possible.Use your energy to create success!Everyone has a life’s purposeYou have a life’s purpose!Some people find their mission every early in life, others have to wait until they’re more mature. You have a special talent and calling only you can fulfill. You’ll begin feeling you have more direction and control of life as you listen to your hearts desire.

The first question you must ask: How can my life’s purpose benefit not only myself, but others as well? This is probably the most important question you can ask yourself. Any mission is valid as long as it expresses your uniqueness and special gifts. A life’s purpose is a representation of all your unique qualities.You’ve probably had many clues throughout your life about your life’s purpose. If you haven’t found a mission yet, you can.You may have been more aware of your mission during childhood than as an adult. Often, well meaning parents, teachers or other role models push and pull you onto a certain career path.A life’s purpose doesn’t necessarily have to be a career. It can be a hobby too. What’s special about a life’s purpose is that it makes you happy and satisfied.When you’re living a true mission, you share special gifts with the world. And, when you give yourself to the world, it comes back to you ten-fold.“I always wanted to be somebody, I should have been more specific.”

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Can One Person Increase the Motivation in Another Person?

The answer is yes, of course, right? People motivate other people. After all, what about coaches and inspirational speakers? They are paid to motivate other people to do great things.
But ask the parent who would like to see a better report card, the boss who is sure to catch several employees off task at any give time, or the spouse who hates picking up someone else’s dirty laundry from the bathroom floor and you will hear that motivating others is IMPOSSIBLE!

Consider the two types of motivation: intrinsic and extrinsic:

Intrinsic motivation originates from within the individual. It is a very powerful source of motivation. Intrinsic motivation is behind all of our attempts to learn and master new skills from our very birth. An infant will reach out and grasp a finger. Next comes walking, talking, riding a bike, all the things children are anxious to accomplish.

Extrinsic motivators are the rewards and punishments that come from the outside world. Play video games instead of doing homework, suffer embarrassment in class the next day. Earn a trophy for first place in a competition for high performance, win the admiration of others. There is one important fact about extrinsic motivators however, they are short-term fixes only. The desired behavior will probably disappear when the threat is gone (or forgotten) or the promise has either been delivered or denied.

Instead of relying on extrinsic motivators when attempting to get people to behave in ways that you think are reasonable, foster the factors that nurture those powerful intrinsic motivators. What are the intrinsic motivators?

• Success and pride of accomplishment
• An understanding of the importance in applying the desired behavior

That’s a pretty short and easy list. So how do you go about adding sunshine, water and nutrients to these natural seeds of personal growth? Here is the method:

• Set goals
• Assign responsibility
• Recognize progress
• Develop empathy
• Create a conducive environment
• Contribute to positive health habits

SET GOALS
1) Decide.
2) Create an affirmative statement.
3) Write it down.
4) Be clear about your reasons for wanting it.
5) Set a date for accomplishing the goal.

Read any motivational book and, when the subject of goal setting comes up, you will always see this formula. The obvious reason? It is effective! Have a family meeting and present some ideas on making progress in areas of importance. Now create a statement that expresses the desired goal in an affirmative manner. (To state a goal in the affirmative, you say it as if it is already accomplished.) If you want to spend less time watching television and more time on responsibilities, projects and hobbies, you can say, “Our family devotes one hour each evening for taking care of responsibilities and spending creative time on hobbies and projects”. Now commit the goal to paper.

Why do you have to write it down? The writing process involves more motor skills and imprints the idea more clearly on the brain. Next step is to assign relevancy to the goal. “Better use of our time will reduce stress for the entire family. We can use the extra time to take care of some chores that usually end up getting rushed, such as picking out clothes to wear the next day, or fixing lunches.” Then pin a date on the accomplishment, “We will start on Monday and meet again Saturday to talk about the different ways we used our extra time”.

ASSIGN RESPONSIBILITY
There are some very important rules to follow when delegating responsibility in a way that fosters intrinsic motivation rather than relying on extrinsic rewards or punishments.
• Allow for choice
• Allow for individual styles
• Allow for a learning curve

In our goal of spending less time in the evening in front of the television and more time reducing stress and pursuing creative endeavors, we can apply these allowances. Obviously, each person would be responsible for picking out tomorrow’s clothes, but other duties can be handed around. Make a list of other jobs that could be shared by everyone and then work out a fair plan of accomplishment. Remember the secret of presenting” yes” or “yes” options. “Danny, do you want your day to clean the bathroom to be Wednesday or Friday?” “Would you rather make sandwiches or fold the laundry?”

Once a job is delegated it now belongs to the responsible person. No breathing down necks, or coaching from the sidelines. Make sure the proper tools are available, instructions are clearly given and then walk away. If the bathroom mirror is cleaned with a mop the first time, oh well. The intrinsic goals of the individual will allow the necessary skills to develop naturally. You contribute to the learning curve by affectively applying the next step.

RECOGNIZE PROGRESS
Many people enjoy using charts and graphs to track progress. They can be very effective. I urge you not to rely too heavily on them, however because they tend to make us think of extrinsic rewards. “What do I get when I have a star in every square?”

What works best is a thank you with a statement of worth about the action. “Thanks for picking up the living room. It puts me in such a good mood to live in a neat home.” (Remember the two intrinsic motivators, pride and importance of action?) Or, a verbal pat on the back. “Now that your homework is done and your head is the size of a watermelon, what fun thing are you going to enjoy?” Remember to be sporadic with your compliments and praise. A compliment delivered with every action sounds insincere. Never forget the reinforcing power of a smile or a hug.

DEVELOP EMPATHY
Empathy is the ability to feel what another person is feeling and is the foundation of intrinsic motivator number two: an understanding of the importance in applying the desired behavior. Years of teaching elementary students gave me a clear understanding of the need to teach children empathy. From the charismatic manipulator, to the bully, to the social outcast, not being able to identify with other people’s feelings can lead to problems.
Talk about your feelings with each other often. Always remember, however never to assign blame to another person when expressing an emotion. Instead of saying, “You made me so mad when I was late for work because you overslept!” a better way to build empathy would be to say, “Once the clock gets past 8:20 I start getting nervous about being late for work. My stomach gets acidy and I can almost hear my boss yelling at me again. I sure would appreciate it if you would be downstairs by 8:15.” You have given your reasons on many different levels of comprehension: the visual image of the clock, the physical sensation in your stomach, the sound of an angry boss.

CREATE A CONDUCIVE ENVIRONMENT
Above all else, model motivated behavior. That one thing in itself will motivate others beyond anything else you do. Designate your home as a caring community. “Everyone who lives here supports each other.” Don’t tolerate teasing or other forms of meanness in your home.
Another important factor in keeping the atmosphere of your home uplifting is to limit complaining. Many of us are in the habit of coming home and letting off steam about the idiots we must face each day. That old homily, “Leave your troubles on the doorstep” should not be forgotten. Consider the effect on a child’s motivation to grow up and enter the work world when he or she continuously hears the adults complaining about their jobs.

CONTRIBUTE TO POSTIVE HEALTH HABITS
Eat right, drink lots of water and get plenty of exercise. When you feel good physically, it is so much easier to be enthusiastic and cheerful!
Use one of your self-improvement evenings each week to take a walk outside. Wear your intelligent caps while you are on your walk and talk with each other about the things you encounter. I’ll bet you can teach each other a lot.
Have an energy snack available when you are working or creating at home. Slice fruit and cheese and serve with a fortified, whole grain cracker. You are supplying vitamins, calcium and fiber. One of best fibers for the digestive system is the pectin found in apples. Float apple slices in ice water with a spritz of lemon juice and they won’t turn brown.

CONCLUSION
The final word is consistency. If you are determined to reach your goals, follow through. So, good luck! Apply these concepts and you will have a happier, healthier family!

What Motivates You Each Day?

Every experience that a person has impacts him or her positively or negatively. All of the positive moments most likely enhance our daily motivation. Daily motivation is what enables us to strive to be better people, to work towards goals, and to lead fulfilling lives.

Setting goals:
Many of us set goals for ourselves. In turn, these goals motivate us to work hard to achieve success. Goals drive an individual's daily motivation. Goals such as getting a Master's degree, having a high-paying job, getting married, purchasing an expensive car, or mortgaging a home drive a person to succeed. When setting a goal, a person must remember that taking small steps to achieve it helps keep up a positive attitude. It is best not to get overwhelmed with attaining a huge goal quickly but rather one should take small steps to get it done. The desire to accomplish a goal is what keeps people going, even on bad days.

Attitude:
A positive attitude is a source of daily motivation. Believing that one of your goals is too difficult to achieve will eventually prevent you from achieving it. Having a negative attitude will cause you both internal and external stress. A negative attitude will de-motivate you, and put you on the road to failure. To achieve your goals, you must be able to tell yourself that every goal can be attained with hard work. If you tell yourself that you can do it, chances are that you will. Never underestimate the power of the mind. Daily motivation is all about attitude and outlook.

Religion:
While not all of us are religious, many people who are will agree that religion helps improve daily motivation. Religion can be used as a great motivational tool for people from all walks of life. Religion - no matter what kind - encourages mindfulness and internal motivation. The religious depend on their beliefs to strengthen them mentally. People often depend on their religion when things are going downhill. Prayer and meditation inspire those who might otherwise turn to drinking, food, or drugs to nurture their spirits. Religion may help some people to be more mentally and physically healthy. Therefore, religion is a positive source of daily motivation.

The desire to live:
Daily motivation also comes in the simple desire to live. Whether children, a job, or money inspires someone to get out of bed in the morning, that person is motivated by something in life. Even things as simple as nature can motivate someone to maintain a positive attitude about life even when times get hard. A person can take pleasure in nature's beauty by taking time to smell the roses or listen to the birds sing. Studies show that people who live in warmer climates have a more positive attitude about life in general. These same people also have the tendency to go outside and exercise more often. This exercise brings about a sense of inner peace and positive feelings, thus becoming a daily motivation for many people.

Why Do I Love This Person

As a psychotherapist specializing in couples and marital therapy, one of the first things I ask is “What do you love about one another?" If the answers indicate little depth, serious trouble is indicated. Replies such "because she's pretty,” "he's fun to be with,” are troubling signs, indicating surface attraction. Once, to my horror, a client replied "Because we like the same kind of pizza.” Needless to say, this is not a foundation for a long lasting relationship!

All of this begs many questions: Do we truly love someone or simply what they do for us? Without question, we all know that money and wealth can be insidious manipulators in any union. So how does a relationship evolve from the meeting of facile needs to a stable, committed, companionship?

Happily, after considerable introspection, many couples are able to identify their attraction to positive partner qualities such as compassion, intelligence, and an ability and willingness to communicate effectively. After all, if we cannot speak openly with our partners, what hope do we have? Perhaps more important, self-aware couples are able to recognize areas for potential growth, and develop a plan to jointly work on their relationship.

While some, especially new, couples may view such questioning as cynically casting doubt upon their whirlwind romance, nonetheless this type of critical self-reflection is vital in determining ultimate compatibility. Indeed, a little work now could save a lot of heartache later. Action For The Day: After reading this article, perform a critical self-assessment in order to determine both you and your partner's motivation for continuing your relationship.